LeBron James’ desperate attempt to finally win something by getting Dwyane Wade (Dwyane is how he spells it) to carry him on his shoulders has so far resulted in a lot of well-deserved ridicule and a very unimpressive 9-8 record. Since I have as many NBA Championship rings as LeBron does I figured we could talk as equals on the current events in his career.
Name: LeBron James
Position: Public Laughing Stock
Official Balladeer’s Blog Nickname: The Lord Of No Rings
What should opponents fear the most from you? The fact that they might stumble and fall on the court because they’re so busy laughing at the way I made such an ass of myself with that whole “The Decision” special and the way when I first came to Miami I said practice would be where we’d work, but the games would be easy.
How would you complete this sentence: “I’m having the kind of year I’m having because ______________.” Because I was coddled from the time I was in high school. The 4-letter network was anointing me as King James even though I had done absolutely nothing to merit such a nickname. Usually a nickname is bestowed on someone based on actual accomplishments. Not so in my case. That, plus the way I would do that idiotic “magic chalk dust” bit before each game when I was in Cleveland revealed how large the disparity was between my ego and my actual achievements on the court. I’m not even Kevin Garnet yet, let alone Michael Jordan. My head inflated so much that many people would say I deserve the abuse that’s come my way since I left Cleveland to join a player like D-Wade, who actually has a ring.
What is your greatest non-sports passion? Compiling a list of everyone who says anything criticizing me and sulking about it. Also, trying to get my new coach fired since I sure as Hell have no intention of taking any of the blame for the Miami Heat‘s 9-8 start myself.
Who would win a one-on-one game between you and the Geico Gecko? Well, since he and I are both just advertising icons with an equal amount of NBA titles, I think it would be a close match but I gotta go with my swagger over the gecko’s subdued professional demeanor.
What is the most laughably bad movie you’ve ever seen? I’ve never sat through a whole movie since nobody’s made one about me yet.
Well that wraps it up! It’s mind-boggling the amount of attention that this guy gets considering there are players out there with REAL accomplishments, like Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Shaq, etc. If anybody deserves to be called The King it would be one of those guys, while LeBron’s real nickname should be The Big Ringless.
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