BAD MOVIE: BLOOD (1974)

BLOOD (1974) – Category: Laughably, enjoyably bad, but not fun-bad enough for my highest rating.         This movie is by Andy Milligan, so bad movie buffs know what to expect.  This time out our Staten Island auteur gives us a story about the son of the wolfman and the daughter of Dracula being a married couple. No, it’s not the premise for a wacky new sitcom, it’s an actual attempt at a horror film.

Wolfie Jr is trying to ween his undead bride off her addiction to human blood by substituting a sap produced by his man-eating plants (He creates these plants in his botanical laboratory so he’s both a werewolf and a mad scientist all wrapped up in one) Trouble is, those plants only produce that sap after devouring a human victim, so what’s the difference? Somebody still winds up dead just to keep this high-maintenance bride nourished. Wolfie Jr could eliminate the middle man by just letting his wife bite people’s necks old-school! Of course, if he did that, we wouldn’t have this movie, and I’ll let you decide for yourself if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

As usual, even though he has a budget so small it would be exhausted on an extra-large pizza Milligan insists on trying to film a period piece in his Staten Island neighborhood. It’s supposed to be the 1890’s so you’ll love the people wearing bell-bottom pants and the obvious air-conditioning units sticking out of some windows. It’s not as much fun as the sound of cars driving by in Andy’s “medieval” movie Torture Dungeon, but then what is?

All this and there’s a brief appearance by Dr Frankenstein, too! Part of the charm of this film comes from a supporting character called Petra, Keeper of the Graves! She would make a good mate for the hunchback Zork from Deafula. (qv) Admit it, the title Blood with an exclamation point makes it sound like a musical about hemophiliacs. (Get Andrew Lloyd Weber on the phone!)

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