THE WATCHER (1995) FORGOTTEN TELEVISION

THE WATCHER (1995) – It seems redundant to refer to a UPN series as forgotten. Or short-lived. Nearly every show that UPN launched in January of 1995 was on and off the air pretty quickly. At 13 episodes, The Watcher was to the new UPN Network what long-lived shows like Gunsmoke were to the established networks. 

The Watcher was an anthology series starring rapper Sir Mix-A-Lot as the title character. The Watcher was a mysterious, quasi-supernatural figure in Las Vegas who had hidden cameras throughout the city, thus allowing him to observe and narrate the grim fates of each episode’s main characters. He hosted from his plush room at the Riviera.

Sometimes the omniscient narrator would ride around the nighttime Vegas streets in his limo driven by Lori Danforth (Bobbie Phillips). Multiple stories would play out and sometimes overlap in each episode of The Watcher, like it was a horror version of Fantasy Island. 

The Watcher had nothing but contempt for the regular Las Vegas denizens who lost their souls in Sin City and especially for rubes who didn’t belong there in the first place. “Vegas is all about dead presidents. If you can’t deal with it then get the next jet out, baby.” he opined.

Unfortunately, though this hour-long series had potential it suffered by being on a fledgling network and was never allowed to find its way. Of the UPN’s other programs launched in January of 1995 only Star Trek: Voyager lasted. The Watcher, Pig Sty, Marker and Platypus Man were swiftly canceled. 

THE EPISODES:

PILOT – Stories involved a) Two small-town guys in Las Vegas who get help from a sinister stranger to clean up at games of chance. But there’s a catch. (Isn’t there always?)  b) A total geek who hypnotizes women into having sex with him but ultimately gets his. And c) A pair of young lovers who run afoul of fortune teller Madame Rulenska, who changes their lives forever. Supermodel Kathy Ireland was among the guest cast.

TILL THERE WAS YOU – Robin Zander of the band Cheap Trick appeared in this episode as Jack Stone, leader of rock group Pandemonium. Jack will do anything to get his down and out band back on top. Other stories dealt with a showgirl who has been poisoned and is trying to find her murderer, D.O.A.-style; and an addicted gambler who has lost his winning ticket. 

NO HOPE FOR THE DEAD/ A DATE WITH ELVIS – An Elvis look-alike contest is held, with a sinister man in a trenchcoat lurking nearby and stating how such affairs profane Elvis’ memory. His seemingly living ventriloquist’s dummy who looks like Elvis grows murderous.

PASSION PLAYS – Tom Bresnahan, Natalie Vanetia Belcon, Victor Love and Alison Moir were among the no-name cast members in this episode whose stories I can’t find any info on.

THE HUMAN CONDITION: THE BLOOD OF OUR CHILDREN/ RITA/ THE COMIC – Freddie Prinz, Jr. was the only cast member I recognized in this episode’s credits. Again, I couldn’t find information on the individual stories.

FATHERS AND SONS – The plot is apparently Top Secret, and the cast members go by names like Zane Weber and Wendy Talley.

REVERSAL OF FORTUNE: THE LAST ACT/ LUCKY CHARM/ HANDLE WITH CARE – We can all make up our own storylines to be acted out by the likes of C.C. Carr, Noah Blake, Bill Cobbs and Renee Coleman.

SECOND CHANCES: LAST TIME AROUND/ JACK FLASH/ HIT MAN – Vivica A. Fox starred alongside Kato Goddamn Kaelin. I didn’t recognize the other names. 

RESURRECTION/ NILES AND BOB/ HARRY STENZ – Gilbert Gottfried, Jackie Martling, Ron Canada, Jack Carter and Tracy Douglas were among the actual stars in this week’s trio of tales. 

HEARTBURNED – Falcon Crest‘s Jamie Rose appeared, along with Dorian Harewood, John Pyper-Ferguson, Diana Castle, Dennis Christopher and Alex Datcher.

A CHANGE OF HEART – Monique Parent, Romy Rosemont, Andrew Hill Newman and other people in the Federal Witness Protection Program were in this episode. (I’m kidding.)

APOCALYPSE NOW: MASTERS & CHERIE/ IT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE/ THE BET – Don’t know, don’t care.

SUDDEN DEATH: DANCING BEAR/ LIFE LESSONS/ THE STRANGER – I still don’t know and I still don’t care. Was this whole show just one big money-laundering operation? 

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