DEMOCRATIC PARTY CALLS FOR CASH INCENTIVES FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS WHO COMMIT MURDER

The Democratic Party candidates Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton both enthusiastically endorsed the Party’s latest policy: cash incentives for illegal immigrants who murder American citizens.

Sanders vowed to make the cash incentive – called “Dollars for Diversity” – at least a high four-figure sum. Clinton outdid her opponent by insisting the cash incentive be “At least five figures or let there be riots, dammit!” The two figures jockeying for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination this year agreed to compromise – $9,000 would be awarded to the murderous “Diversity Warriors” from American taxpayers, and an additional four-figure amount would be diverted from any life insurance proceeds that would otherwise go to the white oppressors’surviving loved ones.

Any American citizen who objects to losing their dead loved one’s insurance money to the people who murdered them are to be fired from their jobs and lectured about how selfish they are. “That’s not who we are, dude” will be the prevailing sentiment directed at those privileged white oppressors.  

Mr Joe Johnson of Trenton, NJ expressed public astonishment at the proposed policy and was torn limb from limb by Democratic Party “Love” activists. Barack Obama vowed that bigoted behavior from the likes of the late Joe Johnson just proves how far America still has to go to combat racism.

Obama also announced that this new policy of cash incentives for murderous illegal immigrants is far too important to wait until after the election. He promised to issue an Executive Order diverting funds intended for American Terrorists through so-called V.A. Hospitals and instead offering them directly to anyone who says they were not born in the United States.  

When asked what steps his administration would take against selfish, racist Americans who dared to object to this new policy Obama confidently replied “Americans are such brow-beaten, masochistic pussies that I don’t think they’ll do anything to object. The government could tell them that their children will be required to salute illegal immigrants and American trash would meekly accept it!”