A MASS MURDERING DOCTOR IN A SMALL VERMONT TOWN: I JUST UPDATED MY BAD MOVIE PAGE

I just updated it with my review of the comically lame telefilm Doctor Cook’s Garden from 1971 starring BING CROSBY himself as our homicidal physician. If you want additional bad movie reviews here is the link: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

 DOCTOR COOK’S GARDEN – (1971) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting.     Bing Crosby IS Colonel Sanders in Finger Lickin’ Good: A One- Man Show! No, actually Bing plays the title doctor in this made-for- tv movie based on a play by Ira “Rosemary’s Baby” Levin. Trouble is, with the snow-white hair and beard he wears in this telepic Bing looks like he’s supposed to be Colonel Harlan Sanders, inducing laughter in the audience in what is supposed to be a horror/thriller. Doctor Cook is the seemingly amiable physician in a small Vermont town but in reality he’s a killer with a God Complex, giving fatal treatment to everyone he considers an undesirable citizen, but genuine medical care to those townspeople he deems “fit” to live. In other words he removes “undesirables” from the community the same way he removes weeds from his garden, hence the title metaphor. If you remember Bing from his old Christmas Specials (and if you don’t just go to Youtube) or those Minute Made Lemonade commercials of his (“Noooooooo doubt about it!”) it adds to the fun of this film to see him playing against type and killing with giddy abandon. Even more of the fun  lies in how incredibly naive the townspeople are for not realizing what the good doctor has been up to. They just take it in stride that “bad” people keep dying under his care while “good” people always get better. Hell, we’re told that one time he  even poisoned everyone at the town picnic and, miracle of miracles, the only people to die from the poison were a few “mean” people. Still, nobody suspected Der Bingle. These yokels make the  inhabitants of Mayberry look like Mensa candidates. The only person to figure out what’s rotten in Hickville is a former resident of the town who has now come home as a doctor himself. This guy is played by Frank Converse and his love interest is played by Blythe “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Mother” Danner. Dr Cook killed both their fathers as it turned out, so I guess Match.com knew they belonged together. In fact Frank’s father was his very first victim and he killed him because he frequently battered the young Frank. Bing-a-ling’s outrage as he recalls this is hilarious if you remember his alleged relationship with his son Gary. This flick features murders with no accompanying tension, a romance with no accompanying chemistry, conversations on the ethics of Dr Cook’s monstrous activities that are devoid of all passion (or any emotion at all, really) and, since Bing’s character is frequently seen taking heart medicine, an ending that can be spotted a mile away. Like Alien Lover (qv) this story would have made a passable half-hour episode of an anthology series but as a movie? Forget it! And I can’t imagine how unbearable it must have been as a stage play.   Even an obvious gimmick like gratuitous gore might have boosted this laughable yawner. Paging Dr Herschel Gordon Lewis! You’re wanted in surgery!

Advertisements

16 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

16 responses to “A MASS MURDERING DOCTOR IN A SMALL VERMONT TOWN: I JUST UPDATED MY BAD MOVIE PAGE

  1. Your blog is grate! Bad movies and sports. This must be heaven

  2. ur movie reviews are really cool. u rock!

  3. Stephanie

    I love youre sense of the absurd! your bad movie reviews are so funny!

  4. Ida

    lmao Bingaling as a mass murderer! The Gary joke had me choking on my coffee!!!!!

  5. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thank you

  6. Bing made this movie? Weird.

  7. Tracey

    Same guy who wrote Rosemary’s Baby? Wow!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s