THIS JUST IN: SPORTS REPORTERS HAVE NEVER LAUGHED DURING ANY OF THEIR MANY FAILURES

Why exactly are any of us supposed to be upset that the Arizona Cardinals quarterback Derek Anderson was seen (gasp) LAUGHING with a teammate on the sidelines during a game in which his team looked pretty lame? The reaction – or I should say overreaction -of sports  reporters to this and to the fact that Anderson was noticeably annoyed  when some ankle-biting reporter was interrogating him about it as if he had, oh, say, run a sadistic dogfighting ring, has been hilarious. Self-important sports reporters HATE it when people treat their idiotic questions with the contempt they deserve and since these creatures always have each others’ backs many of them are piling on Anderson even though nobody in the real world cares if some obnoxious sports reporter (I know, “obnoxious sports reporter” is redundant) got snapped at when he was making much too big a deal about something silly. 

On behalf of all of us out in the real world let me say we LOVE IT when you jackasses get snapped at! It’s how we would react ourselves to your incessant badgering about trivialities. I guess Mel Kiper Jr has never laughed on NFL draft day when, as always, he is WRONG with the overwhelming majority of his draft predictions (Why do you think the 4-letter network  makes you pay to join so you can see his final draft day predictions at their site?) I guess Mike Golic has never laughed on a day when he makes yet another stupid remark that embarrasses broadcasting. I guess Mitch Albom didn’t laugh at all on the day he only pretended to actually be at the event he was supposed to be covering. (If it was a Tuesday I’m betting he was with “Morrie”)   

Sports reporters have become as out of touch with reality as the professional athletes they cover have. Nobody died, no dogs were tortured to death, no concussions were made worse through criminal neglect and certainly nobody was hit repeatedly in the head without their helmet on just because Derek Anderson was laughing on the sideline. 

NOTE FOR ALL SPORTS REPORTERS IN THE BROADCAST AND CABLE INDUSTRY: YOU ARE NOT REAL JOURNALISTS WHO COVER  GENUINELY IMPORTANT TOPICS! YOU COVER GAMES! G-A-M-E-S! BROW-BEATING ATHLETES ABOUT INSIGNIFICANT SUBJECTS IS NOT THE SAME AS BREAKING A MAJOR POLITICAL STORY THAT INVOLVES THE FATE OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE! YOU’RE ON THE LEVEL OF FAN-BOYS AT A SCI-FI OR GAMING CONVENTION IN THAT YOU GET UPSET BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T OBSESS OVER THE SAME INSIGNIFICANT THINGS YOU DO! GET OVER YOURSELVES! NOBODY OUT IN THE REAL WORLD TAKES YOU HALF AS SERIOUSLY AS YOU TAKE YOURSELVES!