mascot chair and bottle picHere at Balladeer’s Blog I enjoy treating conspiracy theories as a form of modern-day mythology. Just like mythology and religions conspiracy theories are irrational explanations for occurrences or situations that have much more rational explanations. And since I REALLY love obscure items that have dropped off the radar to a certain degree here’s a look at a few conspiracy kook ideas that were so crazy it’s almost a shame to see them not being discussed as much anymore.  

Adam WeishauptADAM WEISHAUPT: THE MAN ON THE ONE DOLLAR BILL – Even though Illuminati conspiracies have gone through the roof in recent decades this particular little nugget has gotten neglected. When the first meeting of Weishaupt’s Illuminati was held on May 1st, 1776 the nutcase theory goes that the conspirators had already laid out their plans to have two future superpowers, the United States, declare its independence that year AND for May 1st (the future May Day) to be the big annual holiday for the other one, the eventual Soviet Union.

Yep, typical of the wackadoodle notions of Conspiracy Kook Land we are supposed to believe Adam Weishaupt and company were able to pull off such long-range plans. At some point during George Washington’s second term as president Weishaupt is said to have sinisterly taken Washington’s place and had George either killed or sent away with a new identity. This was done, of course, to put Weishaupt in a much better position to oversee the early years of his branch of the Illuminati’s nefarious scheme.

This theory also tells us that it is really a portrait of Adam Weishaupt on the one dollar bill, NOT Washington, and that this supposedly accounts for the odd, snarky smirk on Faux- Washington’s face.  

John Wilkes BoothJOHN WILKES BOOTH ESCAPED THE COUNTRY AND A DOUBLE DIED IN HIS PLACE – More doppleganger shenanigans with this ridiculous notion. The underlying idea here is that the plot to assassinate Abraham Lincoln was so involved that John Wilkes Booth was shuttled to safety while a reasonable look-alike was shot to death while being pursued.

That element is about all the theories have in common. The shadowy figures who helped Booth escape are variously claimed to be the Freemasons, international bankers, wealthy die-hard Confederate Americans, the Rothschilds or some combination of those groups. John’s ultimate hiding place varies from Texas, Indiana (Indiana?), Ceylon, Tsarist Russia, India or somewhere in the Ottoman Empire. In my favorite version of this crackpot delusion the Romanovs were secretly ushered out of Revolutionary Russia by the same conspirators decades later and joined the elderly Booth in hiding.

And, I’m sure it will come as no surprise that many conspiracy fanatics also claim John Wilkes Booth was secretly Jewish and killed Lincoln on Good Friday of 1865 as part of a Kabalistic ritual sacrifice.

Toynbee TileTHE DEAD CAN BE RESURRECTED ON PLANET JUPITER – The enigmatic Toynbee Tiles are the major source for the enjoyable canon behind this notion. At some point in the 1980’s odd tiles laid into the asphalt of actual streets and roadways were being found, bearing some variation on the following message: “TOYNBEE IDEA/ IN MOVIE 2001/ RESURRECT DEAD/ ON PLANET JUPITER.”

“Toynbee idea” seems to refer to Arnold Toynbee, who held various theories, one of which can be simplified by saying that since matter is neither destroyed nor created that means the molecules of everyone who has ever died can be reassembled no matter what the cause of death. This was one of many attempts over the ages to reconcile science with the Christian claim that when Jesus returns the dead will all be resurrected for Final Judgement. “In movie 2001” refers of course to Kubrik’s film 2001: A Space Odyssey, which the possible madman behind the Toynbee Tiles felt was conveying the secret message that Toynbee was right and that conditions around Jupiter were ideal for reassembling the molecules of everyone who had ever died.

This theory has some hilariously involved backstory that ties it into ham radio operators, talk radio conspiracy shows from decades ago, a reclusive figure in Philadelphia and a play by David Mamet. Unfortunately a terrific documentary Resurrect Dead hasn’t boosted the public profile of the Toynbee Tiles conspiracy like I had hoped it would.

John DillingerTHE JOHN DILLINGER DIED FOR YOU SOCIETY – I am really saddened to see less and less attention paid to the insane notions about gangster John Dillinger secretly waging a one-man war against the Federal Reserve. Many of the unhinged types who first pushed these theories seem to confuse various elements of the Federal Reserve with the FDIC but to me that only added to the fun.

To take it from the top Dillinger’s first-ever holdup victim was allegedly a Freemason and the man supposedly cried out “who will help the widow’s son” after he was robbed. That saying is tied into Masonic history and Grail legends (the knight Perceval was the son of a widow in some versions of this tale). The ever- crafty Masons were supposedly the reason young John got the heavy sentence he received for his first offense, a draconian punishment for preying on one of their brotherhood.

John supposedly learned from other convicts about the worldwide conspiracy of Freemasons and their role in that favorite whipping-boy of the loonier conspiracy kooks: the Federal Reserve. The John Dillinger Died For You Society would have us believe that Dillinger was a heroic rebel trying to raise awareness about the world’s secret rulers and was taking on the Freemasons right where it would hurt them the most – in the pocket book. Once again you have to REALLY misunderstand how those two separate entities – the Federal Reserve and the FDIC – operate to buy into any of that but that’s part of the fun!

According to this theory John Dillinger made his most famous jailbreak by using the magical powers he had acquired to counter the mystical abilities of the Freemasons to simply walk through prison walls. To hide that “fact” he supposedly encouraged the whole “carving a gun out of soap and blackening it with shoe polish” tale. A roommate of Lee Harvey Oswald once belonged to or founded a chapter of the John Dillinger Died For You Society, niftily tying this already ludicrous theory into the Kennedy assassination, too! Pretty sweet!


© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.  




Filed under Milestones In Stupidity


  1. So funny! People believe in weird conspiracies.

  2. Dillinger was the messiah! Who could have guessed?

  3. That Dillinger one really creeps me out for some reason.

  4. The Toynbee tiles one was kind of scary.

  5. You are obviously part of the Illuminati plot to dismiss their plot as a joke.

  6. Pingback: ORION: THE ELVIS PRESLEY HOAX/ PUT-ON/ TEASE | Balladeer's Blog

  7. Adena

    Good post. The tiles are so creepy!

  8. Abe

    These are really way out there!

  9. Eugene

    Some of these aren’t so farfetched.

  10. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who had been conducting a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast due to the fact that I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to talk about this issue here on your site.

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