In a move guaranteed to make him beloved by every prosecutor in the country Jerry Sandusky’s defense attorney Joe Amendola permitted his client, an alleged child rapist, to speak by phone in an interview with Bob Costas last night. It’s a shame Eugene Ionesco didn’t live to see it, but then even he probably wouldn’t have believed it.
I have no idea what Amendola was thinking with this move. Was he saying to himself “Once America hears the creepy, halting way my client speaks, just like the guy in those Killer Nerd movies, they’ll take him to their hearts.” After the interview did he flash a confident grin, give Sandusky a big thumbs up and say “NAILED it!”
But America has one thing to thank the alleged rapist of multiple children for. For decades most of us have been puzzled by the meaning of those stern “No Horseplay” signs around public pools. Now, thanks to Sandusky, we all finally understand that “horseplay” means elderly men showering with little boys, touching their legs, squeezing them and sliding around on the floor with them. Eeeww! Now I see why they didn’t want that kind of behavior around their facilities. That sort of thing would gross out and induce vomiting in everyone … except, apparently, Sandusky and his attorney.
Is there something here we’re all missing? Does Amendola believe that on any jury of twelve people at least seven or more will be men in their 60’s who enjoy showering with little boys and similar “horseplay”? Is he convinced that now there’s not a jury in the land that will convict his client? But hey, won’t the prosecutors be able to counter this brilliant bit of legal strategy by using their peremptory strikes to eliminate all potential jurors who answer “yes” to the question “Have you ever engaged in horseplay with little boys in the shower as many times as the defendant says he has?” And what if one of those potential jurors answers by saying “Well, no, but I do enjoy frolicing with little boys on the beach.” Answer: Nobody would want to trust that guy around their children either.