This incredibly cute fellow with mad hoops skills is Gaius Baltar, the child of Elizabeth Frankel Kost and Sean Vandamme (Which he says is correctly pronounced van- dame, as in “There’s nothin’ like a Vandamme”). Elizabeth chronicles Gaius’ life and antics at her blog, http://untrainabledachshund.blogspot.com/ where she also frequently posts pictures of “foster-dogs” that she and Sean care for until a home can be found for them, so if you’re ever looking for a pooch that needs love, just click the link to her blog. Since Gaius’ uncles Oolong and Pekoe recently did a guest turn on Balladeer’s Blog in which they suggested alternate names for the countless college sports teams called Tigers, Gaius was anxious to provide the canine answer to that post and suggest alternate nicknames for all those teams who have the equally overused nickname Bulldogs. So I’ll now turn things over to Gaius (Official Balladeer’s Blog Nickname: The Daredevil Dachsund) and go wrap some Christmas gifts.
Gaius: Let’s get right to it, shall we? Mr Wozniak often points out how college sports are drowning in teams called Eagles, Tigers, Bulldogs and Wildcats, a point of view I agree with. Oolong and Pekoe addressed the Tigers issue (yawn) but since I think cats are overrated I decided to tackle a subject America REALLY cares about and look at possible new nicknames for those teams called Bulldogs. (I’m just kidding – I love cats!) In some cases I just modify the name Bulldogs but in other cases I suggest a whole different breed of dog name. I was inspired to take that approach since my mom Elizabeth’s mother Noralee went to Albany , where the sports teams are called the Great Danes.
Suggested change from Bulldogs: I’d make them The Feudin’ Bulldogs since they’re in Kentucky and when you think Kentucky you think of the feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
College or university name: Minnesota-Duluth
Suggested change from Bulldogs: For these reigning champs of NCAA Division 2 football I’d recommend The Emerald Bulldogs since Duluth is called “The Emerald City On The Hill”. My second choice would be The Z-Dogs since Duluth is also called The Zenith City.
College or university name: Montana Western
Suggested change: I’d go with the Sky-Dogs since Montana is called Big Sky Country. You could still keep an actual Bulldog as the mascot but the name Sky-Dogs is much more memorable.
College or university name: McPherson (KS)
Suggested change: In this case I’d recommend an entirely different breed and since alliterative team names stay in the mind so easily I think the McPherson Mastiffs would be perfect!
College or university name: Concordia (NE)
Suggested change: To play the alliteration card again I’d go with the Concordia Collies since it has a nice “Lassie” feel to it and we dogs still revere Lassie and Rin Tin Tin. (But we could take or leave that little wimp Benji!)
College or university name: Redlands
Suggested change: Mr Wozniak often refers to the “Oddball Cool” aspect of college sports team nicknames so in that spirit I’ll go with the Redlands Viszlas, since they’re such an underappreciated breed.
College or university name: Texas Lutheran
Suggested change: For a Lutheran institution what canine nickname could be cooler than the German Shepherds? A German Shepherd in a 10- gallon hat as your logo would sell merchandise like the proverbial hotcakes!
College or university name: Ferris State
Suggested change: I recommend the Rottweilers since that is one intimidating breed of pooch that I can’t believe isn’t already the name of a college sports team!
Regarding the roughly 317 remaining teams that go by Bulldogs half of them should change their name to the Dachsunds and the other half to the Fighting Gaiuses to honor me for this wonderful blog post. As for me, I’m going to go get a good laugh from reading Mr Wozniak’s Bad Movies page. Happy Holidays, everyone!