Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only Independent Voter site on the web that bashes Liberals and Conservatives equally. Only the most fanatical Liberals and Conservatives are still denying that every single news outlet is completely biased, either in favor of the left or the right. The political prejudices of every single “news” source are blatantly obvious and are as much fun to laugh at as bad movies are. REMEMBER: EVERY SINGLE NEWS SOURCE HERE IN THE U.S. IS JUST A LIBERAL PROPOGANDA OUTLET OR A CONSERVATIVE PROPOGANDA OUTLET. Here are four of the most laughable examples of American political pundits, two from each end of the political spectrum.
4. MICHAEL MEDVED – I think it was in Bedtime for Bonzo that Ronald Reagan expressed the Commandment he is best known for: “No bad movie lover shalt attack another bad movie lover.” But since I always felt as much contempt for Reagan as I feel for Barack Obama I’ll just break that commandment.
Michael Medved was coauthor of the two Golden Turkey Awards booklets and of The Hollywood Hall of Shame plus other landmark books for bad movie lovers. Medved even addressed Manos, The Hands of Fate years before it became a cult item in 1993. He was also one of the 1960’s Liberals who (rightly) grew disgusted with his generation’s irrational way of clinging to their increasingly outdated worldview and tiresome racebaiting.
Unfortunately, Medved went too far and became an actual conservative. His radio show is a bastion of hilarious right-wing gibberish and wild paranoia that his personal tax dollars may have – gasp – benefited another human being! Medved is very passionate about his politics and he knows EXACTLY what it takes to win the Presidential election … of 1988. Michael is Exhibit A in the argument that Conservatives still don’t grasp how completely they’re losing the culture wars. When you tune in to his show you find yourself wondering if ANY of his listeners are under 79 years of age.
Listening to the mild old man approach that Medved advocates for Republican candidates proves he has no grasp of the current rules of engagement and is a laugh riot! I think he’d rather his candidates “be polite than be President” to twist a very old phrase. When Michael feels he’s REALLY laying out a hardball political strategy it’s like listening to Ned Flanders hatching a plot to outfight Tony Soprano.
Medved is convinced that the weak, inept and crooked Barack Obama will lose his bid for reelection because no president has been reelected with the unemployment rate this high. Michael’s ignoring the fact that the religious fanatics that the Republican party nominates tend to scare the voters to death. If you’re betting money, bet on four more years of the detestable Barry Obama based purely on how abysmally wrong Medved’s predictions tend to be.
3. ARIANNA HUFFINGTON – Huffington, or as I like to call her “the Gabor sister that time forgot”, has an accent that defeats all her attempts to sound serious and if her accent doesn’t make you laugh her hilariously naive left-wing politics will! This upper class twit makes even Cameron Diaz sound like an eloquent speaker for Liberal views.
Arianna seems to have had illusions of using vast sums of money to become the Republican answer to Katy Graham of Washington Post fame. Her clumsy, transparent attempts at self-promotion and the refusal of American Conservatives to kiss the ring of this bizarrely snobbish social climber soon put an end to that little scheme.
Arianna left Conservative circles in a huff (sorry) to plead her way into Liberal circles and, wearing her Katy Graham envy on her sleeve even more blatantly than ever, she eventually established the Huffington Post, which pretends to be a news site but is really just a Liberal version of what Townhall dot com is to Conservatives.
Arianna’s site sees nefarious Conservative schemes everywhere the way J Jonah Jameson sees the hand of Spider-Man in all the world’s evils. Yes, I know Jameson and Spider-Man are fictional, but you could say the same about Huffington Post’s incredibly slanted “news” items. That site gets more shrill by the week and is so frantic for attention it has stooped to sensationalistic National Enquirer- style headlines even for its non-political articles. The ultimate Huffington Post headline would read: “Woman Gives Birth To Kittens Because Of Mitt Romney’s Policies At Bain Capital.”
2. BRENT BOZELL – L. Brent Bozell III is to the Brent Bozell series what Godfather Part III is to The Godfather series. Bozell founded and presides over the conservative Media Research Center as well as other watch-dog organizations that are trying to keep this whole sex and violence thing a secret. If you had a time machine you could probably find 1800’s school marms who think Grandma Bozell here needs to lighten up about sex.
Brent epitomizes those Conservatives who think every form of entertainment, education and communication in the world should contain nothing that would shock a nine year old child just because nine year olds might stumble upon something beyond their experience. This situation might lead to the child asking their parents uncomfortable questions.
Those questions would, of course, challenge the hilariously outdated and immature attitudes that so many American Conservatives have toward human sexuality. Bozell and his like-minded followers think it’s preferable to wipe out as many traces of sex and violence as they possibly can rather than actually become enough of a part of their children’s lives to police their exposure to adult topics.
Brent’s writings on American films and television shows are laugh riots, especially when the delicate Mr Bozell gives his harrumphing opinion that the USA produces the most violent and sexually explicit entertainment in the world. I’d love to see Bozell’s reaction to a marathon of Category 3 movies from Hong Kong. By the end of the first hour he’d probably be wistfully longing for comparatively wholesome programming like Nip/Tuck, one of his frequent targets for criticism.
1. MICHAEL MOORE – Here he is at number 1, the man who put the “pig” in bloated rich pig, Michael Moore. Moore first inflicted his presence on the American public with Roger & Me, the movie where he exploited the plight of laid-off auto workers to launch a film career. This vulture in whale form has been no stranger to picking at the carcass of national tragedies ever since, using the dead bodies of the Columbine Massacre victims as his personal soapbox for another film and the entire 9-11 attack to pad his bank account even more.
This loathsome hypocrite owned stock in Haliburton despite claiming he never soiled his hands with anything as capitalist as “stock” and has done post-production work on some of his movies in Canada where this self-proclaimed lover of unions can work free of Hollywood union restrictions.
Mikey pretends to care about the poor, often using that “99 %” cliche that American Liberals have become so fond of. If Moore really cared about that 99% why doesn’t he divest himself of all but a million or so dollars of his own fortune and donate the rest to the poor? Oh, right, he only likes judging what OTHER PEOPLE should do with their money.
This rotund, self-important waste of biomass is a classic example of how ignorant of history American Liberals are. Oh, they know every single disgusting thing the United States has ever been guilty of, but they remain hopelessly ignorant of the heinous offenses of nearly every other country in the world. Becoming familiar with the failures and crimes of other nations would complicate their simple-minded view that history is a story of “good guys” and “bad guys” with America being the bad guys in their view and every opponent of America being the good guys. It’s, like, so DEEP to condemn only your own country while giving others a free pass.
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