Balladeer's Blog

 The adorable Nevaeh Dillard returns to offer her unique perspective on sports. Nevaeh is the daughter of Rae Dillard and the granddaughter of Janice Dillard and Lonnie Dillard. She was a big hit with readers of Balladeer’s Blog in December 2010 when she covered for me one day.

Nevaeh felt the world deserved a look at her new, more mature self, so here she is examining the Top 25 women’s teams in the First Division of NAIA college basketball.

NEVAEH: Okay, people, since there’s still quite a few years to go before I’m able to replace that blonde bimbo Erin Andrews on ESPN I’m once again gracing that Wozniak guy’s blog with my presence. Like most sports fans I am sick and tired of the NCAA and its petty power plays and its habit of abusing its authority so I want to look at women’s hoops in the NAIA instead. Mr Wozniak said to make sure you people know what NAIA stands for but I just said, “Well, DUH”, like I said to a particularly clueless  department store Santa not long ago.

NAIA stands for the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics, a wonderful alternative to the overly oppressive NCAA. Now that y’all are straightened out on that here’s my look at the Top 25.

1. Oklahoma City University Stars – These ladies have almost as much star power as I do and deserve their top spot in the rankings.

2. Union (TN) Bulldogs – You go, girls! Forget all those Non-Union Bulldogs, peeps! Look for the Union label in your hoops teams.

3. Freed-Hardeman Lions – Sleek and powerful like their animal namesakes these ladies will mess you up in the paint!

4. Lewis-Clark State Warriors – Teams facing the Warriors become real Worriers because they know what a tough team they’re up against.

5. Westmont Warriors – I already did my Warriors joke. Let’s move along. C’mon!

6. Shawnee State Bears – Bears are fearsome but elegant and that’s exactly how I view this Shawnee State team.  

7. Langston Lions – Mr Wozniak always likes to say they should change their name to the Langston Hugheses, so since that’s a reference to one of my favorite poets I’ll repeat his line.

8. Vanguard Lions – Three teams called Lions already? You people need more variety!

9. Lee Flames – Now that’s what I’m talking about! The Flames will scorch your sorry butt on the court if you take them lightly!

10. St Xavier Cougars – This team is the official team of one of my Nana’s coworkers, Mrs Zajdel. She cheered their football team on to their first national championship last month!

11. Azusa Pacific Cougars – What are the odds that so many teams with similar names would all happen to make the Top 25 at once? Weird.

12 and 13. Campbellsville Tigers and the Olivet Nazarene Tigers -  Too many Tigers teams in college sports I always say, but THEY DON’T LISTEN!

14. Cumberlands Patriots – These red white and blue ladies make opposing teams feel black and blue with their spectacular defensive play.

15. Southern Nazarene University Crimson Storm – Beautiful name! Who wouldn’t want to play for them?

16. Xavier (LA) Gold Nuggets – You don’t have to bother prospecting for these Gold Nuggets! Like me, they are very obvious treasures and they know it!

17. Lubbock Christian University Chaparrals – Go Chaps! I love that name and I think their logo with that really cute bird is great!  

18. Shorter Hawks -Shorter Hawks, Taller Hawks, Big and Tall Hawks, they’re all pretty cool and this institution is located in Rome, GA so how do you like that?

19-21 – Bethel (TN) Wildcats, Georgetown (KY) Tigers and Robert Morris (IL) Eagles – Too many teams with those names. I mean it now!

22. Lindsey Wilson College Blue Raiders – I love this name! Blue Raiders sounds like it would be a video game or something!

23. Columbia (MO) Cougars – I’m through with teams named Cougars, too. Next!

24. Rocky Mountain College Battlin’ Bears – In the tradition of the Fighting Irish and the Soaring Eagles  it’s the Battlin’ Bears! Somebody out there needs to call their teams the Dancing Nevaehs! Get on that, people!  

25. Rogers State University Hillcats – Hey, they’re named after Will Rogers and though I’ve never heard of him Mr Wozniak says he was a funny guy. But if you’ve read this blog’s Bad Movie page you probably shouldn’t trust his idea of what’s funny. 

I’m outta here! Thank you to Mr Wozniak for letting me fill in for him on this post and all of you look out for me on ESPN sometime down the road. You can’t hide talent like mine, so excuse me while I go measure Erin Andrews’ office and start making my redecorating plans.